There are so many magical moments that occur in the every day life of a parent. Observing as your child grows and experiences every little thing for the first time is truly an extraordinary thing. And when you have your first child, everything is just as new to you as the world is to them. You both have no idea what you’re doing or what’s going on. There is a certain special feeling and bond you share because you are each taking it day by day, slowly but surely (almost) getting the hang of it all…

… and then along comes baby number two.

Once Upon a Time…

Let me give you all a little back story. Michael and I found out we were pregnant when I was 19 and he was 22. It took us completely by surprise and we weren’t quite at that “it’s completely normal for people our age to be having children” stage yet. We were freaked out, to say the least, but there was always a certain special feeling that seemed to linger. We are going to have a little tiny human in less than a year. 

Fast forward eight months and we are suddenly promoted from young pregnant couple to young freaked out parents. If I have said this once, I’ve said it a thousand times: NOTHING CAN PREPARE YOU TO BE A PARENT. Nothing. You push this little pink blob out and suddenly you are just Mom. Or Dad. That’s it. And even if you have seemingly endless support from family and friends, in the end it is just you and your child. And it is honestly so freaky and weird and amazing. But enough on that. If you have kids you know, and if you don’t have any yet- you’ll see! 😉

I can remember every detail of those first few days so vividly. Her first year was absolutely terrifying but I soaked in every little milestone with pride and a touch of sadness. Why is she growing so fast? First smile, first laugh, first sounds, first movement, first steps, first words. I wrote everything down in a little journal because I wanted to remember. These were my child’s very first experiences with all these things that most of us would consider so mundane.

Pregnancy: The Sequel Proves to be Much More of a Challenge

I felt like we were a cute little couple plus baby. I thought I had it all figured out. But then I blinked and my baby was almost two years old. Talking, running, and singing away. Feeding herself, showing interest in new things, wanting to be more independent. I started to long for that feeling again. I needed someone to nurture and take care of. Seeing teeny little babies made me so nostalgic and sad and overjoyed all at the same time and then it hit me: BABY FEVER.

My second pregnancy was very similar to the first except this time around, I had a wild toddler on my hands who never let me get anything done. With my first pregnancy, I was able to relax when I wanted, stuff my face without interruption, and just enjoy it while it lasted. The second time around, I was lucky if I got five consecutive hours of sleep and if you’ve ever had a growing toddler, then you know that when it comes to food, what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is also theirs.

Most of my pregnancy was a complete blur. I basically felt like I was just scraping by most days. But before I knew it, it was time to welcome our sweet Riv. My labor and delivery with Had had moved actually pretty quickly; contractions were absolutely brutal, but pushing was a total relief because after two good ones she plopped right out. Riv on the other hand, youch. She was upside down for one, so her head was pushing down on my tail bone the entire time. The contractions were about a hundred times worse and when it came time to push, I was just so tired and done. But finally, she arrived and that was that.

You can read my entire birth story with Riv here!

Adjusting to Life as a  Foursome

Unlike before, the first few days of having Riv home are almost completely lost to me. I remember her sweet face looking up at me as I fed her, and our late night “conversations” that we used to have, but as far as our day to day life- ????? I mean, my mom stayed with me for a week and I honestly don’t really remember her being there at all. She helped out tremendously and I am super thankful for her allowing me to get a little bit of sleep and for keeping Had entertained, but everything was so crazy and hectic that it all just sort of started to blur together.

The first time around, I felt so much love and support surrounding us. With Riv, the feeling was still there, yet there was something missing. I felt more of a “been there, done that” vibe from people, and a lot of people who were so eager to meet Had didn’t seem to want to go out of their way too much the second time around. Not to say that it’s a requirement for people to be overflowing with joy every time you give birth, but it all just felt a little bit more insignificant this time. 

Going out of the house for the first time was, as you might have guessed, exponentially more terrifying than before as well. I was only just starting to get used to having one wild child running around the store, and now I have two? Doing anything started to require ridiculous amounts of effort. I did not miss having to haul around all that extra baby baggage (meaning the diaper bag, of course!). 

Had’s curiosity was so incredibly fun and sweet, though. She wasn’t quite old enough to truly understand, but she was just as fascinated as the rest of us about the new, tiny baby in the house. 

Wild Child

I don’t know if this is true for everyone, but in my experience, the second child is…

the reason my hair is already greying 
why we can’t have nice things 
the spawn of Satan

…a handful, to say the least!

Pretty much every single problem we didn’t have with Had, we had (and still have) with Riv. I love that girl to death, but oh. my. pineapples. Does she sure know how to get on my nerves! We have had incidents of eating dirt, running away every time we set her down (and not coming back), taking her diaper off and running completely nakey around the house, and creating some very interesting poop collages in her crib (which luckily she has since outgrown!)

So as I’m trying (and often failing) to keep up with this wild little creature wreaking havoc around the house, my first child is on the sidelines desperately begging for attention. And although I still played and spent time with Had, it was hard for a long time to find time for one on one time with her. Luckily, Michael stepped up even more (he’s the real MVP for sure) and began spending more time with her so I could tend to our other little monster.

Sure, kids do naughty things on occasion, but this child is a rampant goober and isn’t afraid to drive Mom and Dad up the wall! She must do everything herself, is completely strong-willed, and isn’t easily fooled. There is no tricking her into going to bed early or forfeiting her food that she has so eloquently draped all over herself.

And one of the worst parts is is that now she’s approaching two and that empty feeling has slowly been creeping up again. She’s not my tiny little baby anymore. She’s a strong independent baby who don’t need nobody and it all flew by even faster than before. I didn’t even have time to blink and she’s already such a big girl.

But if there’s one thing I absolutely adore about her, it’s her personality. She has always been so funny and particular and interesting to observe. After having watched her sister all this time, it’s almost as if she decided early on that she wanted to be her own person with her own quirks. And I love her so dang much.

Taking a Toll

Having not one, but two wild and crazy girls has honestly tested our relationship to its limits. Michael and I have been together for nearly seven and half years. We know each other better than anyone, have been through all of this together, but being  a parent can make it extremely challenging at times.

On top of all the other lame adult stuff we need to worry about like money, bills, rent, jobs, appointments, physical and mental health, eating well, maintaining a social life (who does that anymore?), we have to take care of our little people that we made. We are literally fully responsible for their well-being and it is the most exhausting job in the world. 

The girls always want to be with us. They are naturally nosy, impossibly needy at times, and just want to play and be apart of things. This makes “Mommy and Daddy” time dangerously scarce. Luckily, we do have close family who are willing to watch the girls from time to time, but on a daily basis, our only real together time is at night after they go to sleep. And more often than not, we are so tired that we just end up getting 15 minutes into a movie before falling asleep on the couch.

Not to mention the fact that, statistically, it is 12948214812495% harder to bounce back after baby #2. For me, I was back into my old jeans pretty much a week after Had was born. But with Riv, I am still wrestling with the baby fat. My tummy is just a constant bowl of jelly bouncing around and pouring out of my waistband every time I do pretty much anything. Doesn’t really make one feel particularly attractive. But Michael insists that he doesn’t even care and that it’s natural. Whatever you say, guy!

If there is one piece of advice I can give about maintaining a healthy marriage after (multiple) kids, it’s this: do not hold onto resentment. You are in this thing together. If your hubby falls asleep after promising to watch the kids so you can take a long relaxing bath, just let it go. You’re both tired, you’re both helping and trying your best for your kids and for each other.

In a way, I think the second time around has honestly strengthened our relationship even more than before. We are both a little more crazy after what we’ve been through. 😉

Wouldn’t Change a Thing

As you were probably guessing, I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. Through all the chaos and tears and exhaustion, I will always choose my family. Thankfully, the girls are reaching a point where they are playing and laughing together more than screaming and crying. I know it’s not always going to be like this, but them having each other gives me time to focus on myself again and what I like to do.

Now that they’re both getting older, Michael and I can also go out more often without as much worry. We are starting to have more time to spend together again and it’s so nice.

The second baby can be the most challenging, but then again, that’s all I’ve ever known. For those of you who have more than two: HOW?!?!

The next time I feel that baby fever comin’ on, I’m gonna take a chill pill instead. 😉

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